I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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