it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
