I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you had me at cake vodka
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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