Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
