the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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