Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
third nipple confirmed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
