I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
