Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
