Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
