at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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