he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
