Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
