the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
