u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I have vodka in my lungs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
