the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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