my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
