can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
