I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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