So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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