I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
