Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
