ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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