she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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