It's Friday. Sex?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
