I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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