just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
