Just fell off a train. Bad.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize