Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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