Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
