can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
