Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
