I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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