Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
