We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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