Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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