i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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