Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize