i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
