I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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