Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
