Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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