some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
