He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
