theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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