you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
