Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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