you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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