I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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