careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
