She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
