I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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