Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
