true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
