hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize