No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
