he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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