id be glad to
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
jump out the window naked night went bad
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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