My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
