i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
