you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
