She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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