i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we're making bets on your personal life
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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