Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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