This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
