I wish I could punch you in the face.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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