My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
