if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
