I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I enjoy the company of your penis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
