dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
