he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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