Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
