My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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