I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
