Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
